There was this Rat

To-day was the crunch day.

Brother Nannery prepared for the fateful hour by placing his transistor tuned to BBC Northern Ireland on a chair opposite the doorways of C2 and D1 classrooms so that all of us could listen to what was happening far away as the Russian ships continued to sail west.

At this time of great national crisis, the BBC rolled out their heavyweights to keep their listeners up to date on when they were likely to die ……. the Dimblebys for the mainland and Michael Begley for Northern Ireland.

The Russian missiles and the United States warship cordon around Cuba certainly fell into the crisis category.

Outside, his colleague Brother Crowley had climbed onto the staffroom roof with an air pistol in his hand …… taking advantage of the intense situation to spy on a suspicious
hole in the opposite wall ….. where he strongly suspected a rat was hiding …… a rat that had been plundering the staffroom biscuit supplies.

Crowley hated Omagh …… and Omagh hated Crowley.

He remembered the fateful day when he'ed put in for a transfer. It wasn't that he was unhappy teaching in his native Dublin … far from it ….. but he'ed been unsettled by a short stint that he'ed done in San Francisco …… and he'ed fancied another stint there at the Exiles School for a couple of years before he'ed return to his Dublin base.

- That's the plan …. he confided to Brother Gene at the Exiles.

- Uh ..huh …. Sounds fine …said Gene …but you gotta' play it shrewd…. play it smart ….. these guys never give ya what ya want ……know what I mean…… if you put the Exiles top of ya list ….. ya won't get it from these guys .. so put it down at 2 or 3 and ya stand a chance……. an' don't ferget to look r-e-a-l disappointed when they call ya in to tell ya where ya going …… an' ya don't get ya No. 1 choice!!

They both laughed.

He returned to Dublin and put his choices in ….. 1. Omagh, 2. Belfast and 3, The Exiles, San Francisco.
The fateful day arrived and he could hardly contain himself.

-Yer a lucky man ….. a lucky man … said Brother Provincial..

-A lucky, lucky man, indeed …said Brother Superior beside him.

They both smiled.

Crowley smiled back ….. a lucky man….. he could see himself in a beach buggy…… already on the golden sands of California in his mind …… Surfing USA……in his ears ….. Jan and Dean ….. yes, yeees… a lucky man, indeed.

- There's not many get the luck…. said Brother Superior. Brother Provincial nodded and stretched his hand out to Crowley.

- Congratulations ……. there's not many get what they want with their choices ….but you've got your top choice, Brother Crowley… you're going to Omagh.

Stunned …. a nightmare…… Crowley could hardly find the exit … a disaster.

The Petticoat Line was on the radio and the blunt no-nonsense Scottish tones of Renee Houston boomed around Mount St. Columba.

- Should women have the same pay as men … asked the Chairwoman …… Renee .. what do you think?

- EEEeey Ah think more…… ah canna' understan' why we're luking fer equal pay
when we shude bey lookin' fer…… more than equal pay ….eeey , ah s'pose what ah'm sayin' is equal pay plus a bit more on top for all the extra work that wey wimmin do…..

The audience clapped……. and the sound faded away. Michael Begley came on …. It's just been announced … the Russian ships have just turned around……. they're turning away from Cuba…..repeat, turning away from Cuba…..

Silence …… then we all cheered and slammed the desk tops up and down….. then we all settled down.

There was a sharp crack, then several more…..

- The bastards …. the bastards …shouted Crowley …… as he jumped off the roof …..picking up two rats by their tails and came into D1.

- No more thieving from these two ….. he said to Nannery as he placed them on the table… they turned their backs on us and started to chat about the news.

Suddenly ….. one of the rats with some blood on his head….. stood up, looked at us, looked at them ….and shot off the table ..straight through the door.

We all cheered.

Crowley blew his top.

Monday came round again ……… usually nothing special, two solid hours of Crowley first thing…… to-day was special though …..since Bohemians had been beaten 9-1 by Dindalk the previous day.

Crowley entered …… with a false bonhomie ……

- Bonjour mes petits Apaches …… he said ….. sweeping in, throwing the textbooks on his raised desk …. immediately swinging round to the blackboard, chalk in one hand, wooden duster in the other …. and started to write. …obviously in no mood to discuss last night's result.

- Booooonjoooouur, Freeeere Crroooowwley -

An expectant silence engulfed the room.

- Great result that, last night , Brother …… said McGurk ……… Dundalk … NINE, Bohemians ….WAUN!
The chalk screeved across the board…… then broke in two.

- Belfast Newsletter says ….. should have been double figures …. except the ref was a jackeen who couldn't count past ten ….. continued McGurk

A slight redness started to show on Crowley's neck …… his left hand gripped the wooden duster more firmly and started to move up into a firing position ….. was another missile crisis about to start?

Nicely bubbling thought McGurk.

- Belfast Newsletter says … the Bohs centre forward was as good heading the ball as Blessed Oliver Plunkett ……

A ripple of laughter ran round the room and the redness deepened dramatically.

Crowley felt the irritation starting to rise at the well-aimed darts from his tormentor.

The repeated mention of the North's most Protestant newspaper ……the use of the derisory term for a Dubliner and ….. tying them up together with a comic slight to his
-7- team and insult to one of his boyhood heroes… an Irish hero who had died for his Faith ….. something we should all aspire to …. he told every school boy who crossed his path.

Years ago…..before he became a Christian Brother … as he prayed for his vocation in Raheny he often dreamt about becoming a martyr ….. there were plenty in Omagh who would have loved to have given him his wish and throttled him like his hero Oliver Plunkett ….. not for his Faith but because he was totally obnoxious….. though this probably didn't merit martyr status.

His breath was coming in shorter, faster gulps.

Nicely bubbling….. thought McGurk …… well on the way to the boil … as he watched his opponent reddening …… just hold him there …. it was too early yet ……just hold him there bubbling …… before turning up the heat. Wrongfoot the bastard!

- Mind you, Brother … he said emolliently as Crowley turned to face the class with raised duster in hand in firing position….. ye know what the Newsletter's like …. always getting things mixed up ….. getting things wrong…. it's like the front page headline to-day … FAULKNER TO PROTECT UNIONIST RIGHTS …. probably means UNIONIST WRONGS …. they probably meant that the ref was a Jack Keane .. not a jackeen, Brother ……..

Crowley hesitated …… his posture eased …… the duster was lowered …. another missile crisis averted.
- Conversation … he said ….. French conversation to improve the vocabulary and diction. Who will start? ….. Kelly ? O'Neill? ……. or how about …. our old friend here … McGurk?

- Ca va …. mon vieux mec, McGurk? (How goes it ..my old mate..McGurk)

- Ca va bien …. Frere Crowley (Very well, Brother Crowley)

- Mon Dieu …. Quelle accent parfait! On le dit comme un vrai Francais …… mais quelle region de la France ou-habitez-vous ….. Paris? Toulouse? La Touraine? …… ou possiblement … Killyclogher? (My God ..What a perfect accent! …. Spoken like a true Frenchman … but which part of France are you from) ….. slapping his erstwhile tormentor on the back too enthusiastically and too frequently with the duster for comfort.

- Et …..mon vieux mec ….quelles nouvelles? (And ..my old mate … any news?)

- Oui, oui ……dit McGurk ….. Lorsqu'on va au college aujourdhui matin …… il y a cette rat ….. bandage sur tete (Yes,yes …. Said McGurk …. When I was going to school this morning …..there was this rat …. with a bandage on his head…

Biography

I am still writing short stories spare-time, organisiing an online music contest for under 25s ...... soon to include creative writing as well, hopefully intergrated with the music ... will keep you posted on this since it will give valuable prizes ...still Manchester-based though working in London.